I had an interesting experience the other day that I shared with a few people who suggested I write it down. Let me start by saying that I don't want to take credit for anything - I was just in the right place at the right time. I was feeling kind of down. I was frustrated with some things in my life. Whenever I get like that too bad, I say a little prayer to be able to forget my own problems and be lead to someone who needs help.
On Thursday I prayed to be able to help somebody out. When I went to work, I parked in a different area from where I normally park. I don't know why I did it other than I felt like I should. I worked all day and nothing happened. As I was packing up to leave, I got the feeling that I should wait ten minutes, so I just sat around for a little bit before finally walking across campus to my car. When I got there, I saw a car parked in the spot directly to the right of my truck with the hood up. I then saw a man wandering the parking lot obviously looking for help. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me he had left his headlights on and his battery died. He was from Ghana and didn't know anybody in town. I jumped his car and he left.
I was packing up my jumper cables and about to leave when a girl got in the car directly to the left of my truck. I sat and waited for a minute as I watched her try to start her car, but it wouldn't turn over. I got out and had her pop the hood. Her battery cables were slightly loose and had a bit of corrosion built up on the terminals. I cleaned them off and tightened the battery cables. We tried to jump the car several times, and finally after about 15 minutes of charging it, the engine turned over. She was from Salt Lake, and didn't know anybody in town who could have helped her.
There are some people who could write off this experience as coincidence, but I don't see it that way. Why did I feel like parking in a completely different area in the morning? Why did I feel like staying an extra ten minutes after work doing nothing? What are the odds that the two cars on each side of my truck both needed to be jumped, and that they both returned to their cars right as I was returning to mine? These types of experiences happen quite often when I am feeling down and I pray to be able to forget myself and help somebody.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Withdrawals
I haven't posted anything in a few months, even though I wrote several posts that I didn't publish. They were more of just things for me that I wanted to write down, but not share with anyone. Anyway, I have been thinking about a lot of things lately and I finally have some time to sit and process my thoughts. I have had some pretty extreme experiences lately that have helped me learn and grow.
Several people have mentioned to me that they wished they had qualities that they apparently think I possess. They say I have patience and a positive attitude during hard times. The truth is, I try to be patient and stay positive, but I have my breakdowns like anybody else. In fact, I sometimes think I react stronger to certain things than most people. One thing that always gets to me is when people don't respect my time. This last month has been a hard test in that regard because I have had a lot of experiences where I felt like people were wasting my time. When I step back, though, and try to be more forgiving of people, I feel better about it. I am sincerely trying to see people as Christ would see them, and remember that they are going through their own difficulties. This is kind of starting to sound like a confession of my shortcomings, and it kind of is, but I just need to get some thoughts out of my mind and things off my chest.
I got really bogged down in October and most of November. Work was hard, football season was rough, and a whole series of crappy things happened in one giant cluster. I prayed hard for certain things, and I felt like my prayers went largely unanswered. I talked with some of my friends about a few experiences in particular and they helped me through some hard times, but it was extremely difficult.
During this last year dealing with the whole cancer business and other challenges, I felt like I was receiving a lot of help and I felt an added measure of strength helping get through everything. But recently, that feeling of strength has left me. I feel alone. Even though my body is in a healthier state than it has been this whole last year, I don't feel that strength anymore. I realize that I was getting a spiritual boost that I don't have anymore, and it is hard to go through that kind of withdrawal. The last two months have been harder for me than the last year dealing with cancer, and I know it is because the extra spiritual boost I had is dwindling. And it's not like I am doing a lot of bad things that would cause me to feel this way. It is just that, for whatever reason, this is my new challenge. I have to try to get by on my own for a while after spending so much time getting huge amounts of help. People have reminded me that men much better than myself have gone through periods where they felt alone and like God had forgotten them. When I remember those stories I realize that God does not really leave us completely alone. This is just a testing period and God is really just trying to mold me. I hope I can come closer to being the man He wants me to be.
Several people have mentioned to me that they wished they had qualities that they apparently think I possess. They say I have patience and a positive attitude during hard times. The truth is, I try to be patient and stay positive, but I have my breakdowns like anybody else. In fact, I sometimes think I react stronger to certain things than most people. One thing that always gets to me is when people don't respect my time. This last month has been a hard test in that regard because I have had a lot of experiences where I felt like people were wasting my time. When I step back, though, and try to be more forgiving of people, I feel better about it. I am sincerely trying to see people as Christ would see them, and remember that they are going through their own difficulties. This is kind of starting to sound like a confession of my shortcomings, and it kind of is, but I just need to get some thoughts out of my mind and things off my chest.
I got really bogged down in October and most of November. Work was hard, football season was rough, and a whole series of crappy things happened in one giant cluster. I prayed hard for certain things, and I felt like my prayers went largely unanswered. I talked with some of my friends about a few experiences in particular and they helped me through some hard times, but it was extremely difficult.
During this last year dealing with the whole cancer business and other challenges, I felt like I was receiving a lot of help and I felt an added measure of strength helping get through everything. But recently, that feeling of strength has left me. I feel alone. Even though my body is in a healthier state than it has been this whole last year, I don't feel that strength anymore. I realize that I was getting a spiritual boost that I don't have anymore, and it is hard to go through that kind of withdrawal. The last two months have been harder for me than the last year dealing with cancer, and I know it is because the extra spiritual boost I had is dwindling. And it's not like I am doing a lot of bad things that would cause me to feel this way. It is just that, for whatever reason, this is my new challenge. I have to try to get by on my own for a while after spending so much time getting huge amounts of help. People have reminded me that men much better than myself have gone through periods where they felt alone and like God had forgotten them. When I remember those stories I realize that God does not really leave us completely alone. This is just a testing period and God is really just trying to mold me. I hope I can come closer to being the man He wants me to be.
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