Movie Reviews (Oscar-nominated films)

I have a lot of opinions about films, especially since I was required to dissect every aspect of every film I watched for many years and was graded on my ability to discuss them critically. I try to not be a wanker about it (I've been watching some Australian videos, so I use the term "wanker" a lot now). Anyway, here are some films I have seen lately with my quick reviews. Some of my reviews might upset people, but again, I'm not trying to be a wanker about it. There might be some minor spoilers in my reviews, so you've been warned.


Mad Max: Fury Road

I thought the film was shot beautifully and the stunts were amazing. However, I was hoping for a little more story. I understand there may be more new Mad Max films (but maybe not?), so perhaps I just have to be patient, but I kept wanting to know more about the characters' backstories. I have seen the original Mel Gibson trilogy, so I know that history, but this is a new Max with a new history. The story also started getting all kinds of holes poked in it if you analyzed the details. For example, it was suggested that three main things that were rare, but critical to survival, were gasoline, water, and bullets. Then everybody drove gas-guzzling cars that literally spewed out fireballs from gas, and the guitar player dude shot flames from his guitar. I get that they worshipped the V8 engine and gasoline, but at some points they treated gas like it was rare, and at other points they completely wasted it. I'm not saying Immortan Joe should have driven a Prius, but it bumped me. They could get more gas from Gastown, but it was implied that it was still rare, because Furiosa later bargained with it. Water was also very rare, but when the brides were first introduced, they were spraying it around like a cheerleading fundraiser carwash. Bullets were another rare necessity, yet Max shot six warning shots at Furiosa and a bride upon first meeting them, when he really didn't need to.

Another major bump was that the war boys all had major radiation-born diseases that required blood transfusions. They found Max, who was a universal donor. At one point, the "doctor" character said, "be careful, he's a universal donor." Then Hux got the doctor (without any pushback) to tie Max, completely unprotected, to the front of a car during a chase/fight where cars were flipping and blowing up like crazy.

I did enjoy how much character development they were able to convey with little dialogue and little story arc. I also enjoyed that they purposefully shot a post-apocalyptic film to be bright and colorful, instead of dark and bleak. I think the main thing that made me have a bit of a negative reaction overall, though, was all the outside bullshit from other reviewers. I had read so much about sexism, and how Max wasn't the hero and Furiosa was - apparently some men were upset that Furiosa "upstaged" Max, and apparently some women were upset that it was still billed as Mad Max when Furiosa was the "main" protagonist, and that she wasn't given enough credit. The fact of the matter is, the story was a dual-protagonist story. They were both important to what happened to the other characters, and they both had strengths and weaknesses that complimented each other. Why does it have to be a gender fight? Ugh. Also, if they would have called the film Furiosa: Fury Road, nobody would have known that it was part of an established series, and the name would have been awkward. Also, the "Fury Road" part hints at Furiosa. At the end of the day, it is an enjoyable action film, but I don't know that it is worthy of a Best Picture nomination.


The Hateful Eight

I enjoy Tarantino films, and I think he is a brilliant (sometimes arrogant) person, but I think this film is an example of giving a lot of praise to the components of a less-than-stellar whole. Don't get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed it, but it was a big drop from his previous efforts. For starters, it was basically a theatre production on film (kind of like Les Miserables). There was one basic setting, and the characters mostly just sat and talked, with occasional flashes of incredible violence and blood. Tarantino also did this with Reservoir Dogs, but the difference is Reservoir Dogs was an incredibly low-budget film with a first-time director and budding actors. This film, on the other hand, was incredibly expensive and had an ensemble of highly acclaimed actors (I assume the main cost was the actors' salaries, because there wasn't much else that should have cost so much). The characters were acted brilliantly, were very three-dimensional, and had very in-depth backstories, but this was a case where it was the other end of the spectrum from Mad Max. They spent too much time on backstory. Tarantino was trying to show the connections among all the seemingly random characters - and even connections to other characters in the Tarantino universe - but it came at the price of very slow and uneven pacing, and an unnecessarily long runtime. I think it could have been about 45 minutes shorter, and the viewer wouldn't have missed out on much. I am usually fine with slow-paced films, but I felt like this film could have been much tighter overall. Also, I am not one to be too upset by excessive violence, but I thought it was gratuitous, even for Tarantino. On the subject of awards, I think The Hateful Eight will probably win for its original score - it was very distinctive and really set the mood for the film.


The Revenant

Leo is going to get his long-deserved Best Actor award for this film, and it is going to be because of how much crazy shit in the film he actually did for real. I don't think this was his best performance as a character actor, but he went to crazy lengths to portray real survival in insane conditions. I don't know that The Revenant should win Best Picture (maybe, I haven't seen all the nominated films), but it should definitely win several awards. In addition to Best Actor for DiCaprio, and possibly Best Supporting Actor for Tom Hardy, I think it should definitely win Best Cinematography. The opening scene alone had me convinced. Much like Iñárritu's Best Picture winner, Birdman, the opening scene was orchestrated in a way that would be insanely hard to pull off, but was executed perfectly. Most people probably wouldn't even notice because of how smooth everything was, but there were very long takes with incredibly complex camera movements and action that came together beautifully. I also think it is amazing that they shot the entire film using only natural light, which only allowed for 2 hours of filming per day, stretching the production into nine months of principle photography. My biggest criticism of the film was the "Hollywood" aspect of an otherwise true story. Without giving away spoilers, I will just say that a few things were added to "punch up" the revenge aspect of the film. Whether or not The Revenant wins Best Picture, Iñárritu has solidified his status as an auteur, and he very well could win Best Director, even without winning Best Picture.


The Big Short

I think everyone needs to see this film to see why we are in the mess we are currently pulling ourselves out of as a country. It is about the lead up to the financial crisis that hit around 2008-2009. It focuses on the big banks that basically destroyed the economy, and the few people who saw it coming and bet against the system. This film will make you hate most of the Wall Street banks, and for good reason, but I think it didn't go far enough in putting some of the blame on all the idiots who lived well beyond their means for years and didn't expect any consequences. I saw this happening starting in the late '90s, and I kept saying that it was all going to come crashing down someday. I also specifically remember a trip to Las Vegas in 2006 when the housing market was insane, and I kept telling people that it wasn't sustainable. They were building so many houses and selling them to anyone with a pulse, and I knew the crash was imminent. The only individual this film really scoffed at was a stripper who said she owned five houses and a condo, and didn't understand the contracts she had signed. That's an easy target to make fun of, but there were tons of people in all walks of life who really only have themselves to blame now for buying houses (and expensive toys) without reading the contracts and without having the means to pay for them in the first place. Ultimately, though, the entire system had become so corrupt, and mass fraud was so rampant, that there was only one way to go - down. Even though it hadn't happened since the Great Depression, some very rich people noticed the trends and bet against a system that was never supposed to fail.

This film was highly stylized, especially with the directing and editing. The actors broke the fourth wall on several occasions, and the editing was a very "in your face" style. It reminded me of some of Martin Scorsese's films, especially The Wolf of Wall Street. They weren't trying to be subtle at all. They wanted the viewer to know they were speaking directly to them. They also broke the fourth wall by having cameos of actors who had nothing to do with the rest of the film explain the more technical aspects of the financial terms as themselves, i.e., not in character (Margot Robbie in a hot tub explaining financial systems). I had read several criticisms of this film before watching it that said people would get lost in all the financial crap and wouldn't be able to follow it, but I didn't feel that way at all. I felt like the parts where they broke the fourth wall explained things in a way that were entertaining and easy to understand - basically, making boring things fun. In that regard, I felt a very distinctive imprint from the director. Adam McKay very well could win Best Director, and The Big Short could win Best Picture, but Iñárritu has a more prestigious track record and the academy doesn't usually choose comedies. In my mind, it is kind of a toss up between this and The Revenant for Best Picture and Best Director.


Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Okay, there were several plot points, settings, and characters that were very similar to A New Hope, but that was kind of the point. Abrams even said he wasn't very concerned about that stuff because he was trying to re-capture the feeling of A New Hope in a way that created nostalgia for older viewers, and introduced new viewers to Star Wars with the same excitement that A New Hope did for the older viewers. It was also a way of introducing the next generation of characters with a strong connection to the previous generation of characters, which Episodes 1, 2, and 3 completely failed to do. Episodes 1-3 did not feel like they were in the same universe as Episodes 4-6. The Force Awakens, however, felt very much like the same universe.

I am more forgiving of shortcomings in The Force Awakens because it fulfilled its purpose without pretending to be something else. It was billed as a fun action movie for all audiences, both young and old. If it had been nominated for Best Picture, I would be more critical. Mad Max was a fun action movie, but as soon as it was nominated for Best Picture and people started talking it up more, I became more critical. The Force Awakens had cinematography and practical effects that were amazing, much like Mad Max, but they didn't try to pass it off as an art film. It could, and probably should, win a few technical awards for visual effects and sound. Anyway, I enjoyed it immensely, and it reminded me of my childhood, thus accomplishing exactly what Abrams was going for.


Bridge of Spies

This film was pretty classic Spielberg. He has a way of creating period pieces that feel real, with very detailed production design - sets, locations, costumes, cars, etc. Even though it was one of his lowest grossing films, I think Munich was Spielberg's greatest masterpiece, and Bridge of Spies felt very similar to Munich (it was also his lowest grossing since Munich). The main difference in the feel of the two is Munich didn't have a typical Spielberg feel-good ending, where this film did. One of the biggest criticisms I hear over and over about Spielberg is that he does typical Hollywood feel-good endings, but I don't find anything wrong with that, especially if they are based on true stories like this film.

Another criticism I hear often about Spielberg is that he slants history to make Americans look better. I can kind of understand that criticism, but in Bridge of Spies, much of the dialogue was taken verbatim from court records. It's also a hard argument to make when the US has records of how spies were treated and represented in court, where many historical accounts point to very poor treatment of spies captured by Soviets in East Berlin. When people are constantly trying to escape from East to West Berlin, and Soviets are gunning them down, it's hard to argue that Americans are just trying to make Russia look bad. I'm not saying the US didn't do some shady stuff, but we weren't gunning down normal citizens in the streets.

As far as awards go, Bridge of Spies should probably win for production design and writing. It was nominated for Best Picture, but if Saving Private Ryan and Munich couldn't win it for Spielberg, I don't think this will.


Spotlight

This film is about the true story of The Boston Globe's "Spotlight" team uncovering the child rape/molestation scandal in the Catholic church. They started looking into claims in the Boston area, thinking it was just a handful of priests, but they soon discovered a very large-scale cover up involving people high up in the church, the courts, police, etc.

As far as the film elements go, I was impressed with the acting - the cast was great and they went to great lengths to portray the actual people involved. However, the directing, editing, cinematography, etc., were all very average. I didn't really think anything other than the acting was particularly great, which is why I am kind of surprised that it is considered to be the favorite to win Best Picture. I didn't feel the director's unique touch that is usually a big part of Best Picture films. I think this could be a case of the academy feeling like this was an important story that needed to be told, so they gave the nomination based on that fact alone. I will watch it again and see if anything stands out more than just the acting, but for now, I wouldn't vote for it for Best Picture.


The Martian

There were several aspects of this film that reminded me of Ridley Scott's early films, especially Alien and Blade Runner. Obviously, there are the plot elements (futuristic, in space), but the set design and cinematography were also somewhat similar. Ridley Scott also has a way of making epic-scale films still seem personal by helping the viewer connect to the characters on a deeper level. This is partly due to the acting, but also because Scott takes a grand-scale idea and focuses on one person, and one small group that obviously are very tightly-knit. Similar to The Revenant and Room, the survival aspect of the story made me start thinking about what I would do in a similar situation.

Even though this film was nominated for Best Picture, I don't think it will win simply because it had too many things the academy would see as somewhat cliché, especially the very predictable ending.


Brooklyn

Maybe I missed something, but I felt like this film didn't really deserve to be nominated for Best Picture. I enjoyed the story, and the production design was amazing. Much like Bridge of Spies, the art director did a phenomenal job recreating the look of the era. Interestingly, though, Brooklyn wasn't even nominated for production design, or makeup and hairstyling, or costumes, and I thought those were the best parts. The acting was pretty good overall, and Saoirse Ronan was great as the lead, but she won't beat the other nominees for Best Actress. If you enjoy period films, you will enjoy this film. If you have Irish ancestors who came to New York as immigrants, you will enjoy this film. I just didn't think anything was very worthy of awards.


Room

This film will affect you emotionally in ways the other films I've mentioned won't. I can't really discuss it without giving away the plot, but the synopsis and trailer for it give away the plot anyway, and it's not really a twist or anything. Still, spoiler warning. A mother and son have been prisoners living in a shed for seven years (well, five years for the son born in the shed), they finally escape, but they discover the real world is hard to adjust to. It kind of surprised me that they dealt with very dark subjects without making the film feel too dark. There was a feeling of "everything is going to be okay" throughout the film. The relationship between the mother and son was so intimate that I sometimes lost a feeling for how incredibly messed up their situation was. I was also kind of getting caught up in thinking about ways I would have figured out how to escape, which I let go of after the mom explained that she tried and failed, and that she suffered so much for it that she kind of gave up trying. There was also some kind of Stockholm Syndrome thing going on, which I think is hard to understand if you haven't been through it. From an outside perspective, I kept thinking, "come on, just get your shit together", but it's very obviously not that simple.

The normal world seemed more dangerous and difficult than in captivity. I found myself hating a lot of people in the normal world. I obviously hated the captor too, but the captor was clearly evil, whereas the people in the normal world who were being bastards were supposedly good people. It was pretty true to life, though - reporters are assholes who seem to only care about a sensational story, mobs of people are idiots with no situational awareness or regard to privacy, some family member are infuriating, etc. One family member in particular angered me so much I wanted to punch the screen, which doesn't happen very often for me. I think a lot of my reaction was because of how connected I felt to the characters. Brie Larson should definitely win Best Actress based on her performance. It is a shame, though, that the boy who played the son, Jacob Tremblay, wasn't nominated for anything. His performance was great, too.

Anyway, I also know I have slightly different tastes in films than most people, so take what I say with a grain of salt.

Surgery Journal

I was told to keep a journal about my surgery because it could be helpful to other people, and it is something that should probably just be documented for family too. I wanted to write down some of my thoughts while they are still fresh, even though I was kind of out of it for several days.

It is insane what medical science is capable of these days. It is also insane how much medical science costs these days, even with decent insurance. I haven't received my final bill yet, but I have already spent half of my income so far this year on treatments. My mom paid on her bill for the same surgery for 20 years, so I am kind of expecting something similar. The hospital is like, "we saved your life, so you are going to pay us back for life." Anyway...

I have known this surgery was coming for 11+ years now. I had my first colonoscopy in 2004, and they told me I would make it to about 30 before things got out of control and I would have to have my colon removed. At least I have had time to prep. My mom found out about her cancer when she was around my age, and they told her she wouldn't make it to Christmas of that year. She had her surgery around Halloween. That was 22 years ago. So, like clockwork, things started getting out of control for me last year. I had a colonoscopy and EGD done every 3 months, and I had more growths and bigger growths between each procedure. They gave me the option of doing a chemotherapy study again, but the last one was too much for me, and this one would have been more intense.

I originally planned to do the surgery over Christmas break, but Huntsman's surgeon left abruptly. I never found out why. They kept telling me the new surgeon would start in a month or two. In the meantime, I had to keep getting more colonoscopies and EGDs done. When the new surgeon (not new to being a surgeon, just new to Huntsman) started, I was scheduled as his first surgery. Then they bumped me back a week because they needed to do an emergency surgery. I was initially kind of angry because it messed up plans with work and travel, but it all worked out. I hope the person who had the emergency surgery is doing okay and that everything worked out. My work gave me all the time off I need because they are very kind, and I work my ass off and put in a ton of extra hours at home and on weekends. Still, it is a major blessing to have such an awesome place to work where they give me the time off I need to recover.

Now for the actual surgery.

I wasn't allowed to eat anything solid for two days, and I had to do a cleanout like my previous procedures. It is all pretty standard for me now, but for the uninitiated, please watch the Jeff Foxworthy bit about his colonoscopy to get a pretty accurate description of what it is like. Just remember that I have to do twice as much of the fasting and cleanout to do the upper GI. I went in at 7 AM and did all the paperwork. I had to sign papers that said people die from this and your family can't sue us if you die, etc., etc. Then I had to strip down and get hooked up to all the things - IV, respirator tube, blood pressure cuff, oxygen monitor, heart monitor, etc., etc. The nurse came in at around 8:30 and said, "I'm going to give you something to help you relax, then we will take you into the operating room in about 30 minutes and I will put you under." That is the last thing I remember.

I woke up around 5 PM and saw my mom, brothers Ben and Chris, niece June, nephew Jakob, and uncle Lloyd. I drifted in and out of consciousness for a while, and then finally came to around 8 PM. I won't lie, I felt like crap. My stomach hurt and I felt like I was going to throw up. Then I felt a sensation down below - yep, they put a catheter in and I was peeing. I knew they were going to do the catheter, I just hadn't experienced that before that I can remember, and it was super weird. I also had those things they put on your calves that squeeze intermittently to prevent blood clots. The nurse came in and took my vitals and said, "try to get some rest." So I fell back asleep. Thirty minutes later, she came and woke me up to give me pain pills, some anti-nausea drugs through my IV, and some other pills. This went on every hour all night. It was impossible to sleep. I also had a machine that would sound an alarm every time my oxygen got below 90% or my heart rate went above 140 bpm, and those went off several times. Not to mention, I had incisions made to do the surgery and pull my colon out, and it was extremely painful. My entire abdomen was insanely bruised and it felt like I had been kicked by a horse.

I watched a video on how the surgery is done, and they basically cut you open around the belly button and insert a ring the size of a cup in there to hold you open. Then they put a camera in there, along with two clamp devices and a cutting device. Then they cut out the colon and pull it out, and then stitch the upper intestines to the rectum. It is very impressive actually. Especially considering they used to cut the entire abdomen open, pull all of the intestines out, and do the cutting and stitching outside of the body. If you've ever gutted a deer or anything, you know that intestines are connected to everything inside. So they also had to separate my colon from everything else, which added a ton of pain and swelling everywhere. The good part is I don't have to wear a colostomy bag.

The next day was hellish. The surgeon came in and explained what would be happening over the next day or two. He said my intestines had been deadened, and they would be starting to "come back to life" gradually. About midday, my stomach started expanding rapidly. I could actually see it happening. I was filling up with gas as things began to come back to life, but I could not get anything out. I was afraid my incisions were going to split open and my guts would start popping out. I'm not joking. According to my mom and the doctors, I turned completely pale and looked like death. I was writhing in pain as the nurses entered things into the computer, got the doctor, entered more things in the computer, and then finally gave me a shot of morphine, a large shot of something directly into my guts, and some oxycodone pills. The whole process seemed like it took over an hour. I finally fell asleep and my family went to the natural history museum while I was out. When they came back, I was sitting more upright and apparently looked completely different. I had my color back and I wasn't in nearly as much pain. My mom said it was a night-and-day difference. I had my first sips of water and a popsicle. My mom hadn't been able to sleep at the hospital, so she went to my house for the night. That night, the intestinal pain hit again pretty hard, but they were quicker about getting me morphine and the shot in the intestines.

I had this really cute female nurse for most of the afternoon/evening, and she kept saying she was going to come take my catheter out soon. I wasn't too keen on that. It's not a situation where you can look too cool. Anyway, it stayed in until the shift change. A male nurse came in and took my catheter out. I wasn't too keen on that either. Apparently there is no easy way to take a catheter out, so he said, "brace yourself and we'll go on three." Then he counted to three and pulled it out. NOT FUN, GUYS. For reals. He said I would need to start getting up to get blood flowing throughout my body and to go to the bathroom. It was not an easy process to get up. I had to take the calf squeezers off, take off my oxygen, sit my bed up, get out of the bed (which was extremely painful on my abdomen), unplug my IV/oxygen monitor machine from the wall and cart it with me. Then I would use the restroom and do the whole process in reverse. It seriously took me about 30 minutes each time and it hurt a lot. Needless to say, I didn't sleep much that night either.

The next morning, the surgeon came in and examined me. He said, "I know this sounds crazy, but we can probably get you out of here this afternoon. You are looking amazing." The nurse eventually came and took my IV out and unhooked me from all the machines. She said I could call room service and get a smoothie for breakfast, which I did. It was great. Then the nurse said I could get up and shower. They said it was pretty incredible to be up and showering that soon. They had me on the schedule for at least two more days, but I was to a point where they thought I didn't need to be there anymore and didn't need to be racking up higher bills. My family arrived while I was in the shower, and I think I surprised them when I came out all ready to go, not hooked up to any machines. Unfortunately, we had to wait for the doctor's final discharge instructions, which didn't come until about 4 PM. So we sat around talking for a few hours. I was able to eat a quesadilla - my first solid food in five days. The doctor was across town for another surgery, but he sent over the discharge instructions. Unfortunately, again, we had to wait for his signature on the prescriptions because it was Saturday, and Huntsman's pharmacy was closed. So I had to get his signature to have my prescriptions filled in Provo. We finally left around 6 PM and stopped at Thanksgiving Point to let the kids play a bit at the dinosaur exhibit. I slept in my own bed that night.

The next morning, I left with my mom, Chris, June, and Jakob to come to Reno for my recovery. I slept half of the ride and listened to the kids watching shows the other half. Jakey laughs at everything on the shows and it got me laughing, which was painful but hilarious. We stopped at a place for lunch, and it only had one toilet. Pretty awesome for a stop that is populated entirely by travelers who all need to use the bathroom. We eventually made it to my mom's house and I visited with my grandparents for a bit before going to bed.

Today is one week after my surgery. Everybody is amazed at how well I am recovering. I have always had Wolverine-like healing abilities, but even I am surprised at how quickly I am recovering. However, my life will now be a bit different and there are certain things that I will never be able to do again. There are certain foods I can't eat anymore. Since the colon absorbs a lot of water - TMI WARNING - I will never have a solid bowel movement ever again. I will have watery bowel movements every 1-4 hours. I will be slightly dehydrated all the time, even if I drink a ton of water. I will also have to drink a ton of water just to function every day. My incisions are already looking way better, but I will have scars too - not a huge deal considering I don't take my shirt off very often anyway. I will have to plan my life around bathroom possibilities, so things like hiking, going to concerts, road trips, etc. will all have to be planned carefully. However, I am alive. I am doing well. I feel very blessed for everything that has happened to allow me to keep going. I am blessed for all the support I have received from family, friends, my work, Huntsman's doctors and nurses, and even strangers who have donated money or helped in other ways. Thirty years ago, many members of my family were dying from this condition, and now they can fix the problem with a surgery. That's pretty amazing to me.

Films I Watched in 2014

One of my friends did something similar, so I tried making a list of the films I watched in 2014. I actually watched significantly more films in 2014 than in previous years. I don't usually see films in theaters because I have a hard time hearing, so I often wait until a film is available on DVD. I also can't use streaming services like Netflix or Hulu because of my limited internet up the canyon. But I was a film major in college and I work in media creation, so I thought I should try to see what's new and watch some of the classics again. Anyway, here is my briefly annotated list of films I watched in 2014.

Films I watched in theaters:

Calvary (Sundance) - This was my favorite new film of 2014, though I only saw 11 new films. It is an incredibly dark "comedy" that is not really a comedy at all. It is more of an drama/allegory/character study with some comedic elements. I am drawn to dark films and character study films, so this really drew me in. I don't know if I would recommend it to most people, though, because the last several times I have shown dark films to people, they thought I had issues.

Godzilla (Private Screening) - It's a Godzilla film. Done well, but nothing really new.

The Saratov Approach (Dollar Theater) - This amazing true story was mostly lost on me because the overly-shaky handheld camera made me physically ill. No joke - I had to lay down for like an hour after the film to get my equilibrium back. I have inner ear problems, so most people could probably handle it. It was very distracting, though.

White Bird in a Blizzard (Sundance) - The director and cast spoke after the screening and acted like they were doing something amazing, but it was a pretty bad film with a "shocking twist" just for the sake of being shocking. Bad acting, bad writing, horrible clichés throughout, etc.

Like I said, I don't see films in theaters very often.

Films that came out in 2014 that I watched on DVD:

3 Days to Kill - Decent Kevin Costner action flick. Pretty forgettable, though. 

Guardians of the Galaxy - Maybe I missed something, but everybody raved about this movie. I thought it was pretty good, but not the cinematic masterpiece people made it out to be. I get bored with the extreme over-saturation of superhero movies, so that could be my problem.

The Interview - Hilarious and ridiculous. I expected nothing less from James Franco and Seth Rogen. 

Laggies - Interesting take on the twenty-something drifter who can't get her act together. Usually these types of films are from a male perspective, so it was interesting seeing it from a female perspective. Really predictable, though. And the protagonist is actually kind of a horrible person when you stop and think about it.

The Lego Movie - I watched it with June and Jakob, but there were plenty of jokes for adults.

Lone Survivor - Intense take on a true story. Maybe too much glorification of death, though. Very moving, but some of the slow-motion death could have been cut.

Mr. Peabody & Sherman - Again, I watched this with June and Jakob. Again, plenty of jokes for adults.

Older films I watched again in 2014:

12 Angry Men

Alien

Amadeus

Anchorman

Anchorman 2

Apocalypto

Atonement

Batman (1966, Adam West)

Batman Begins

Batman Returns

The Big Lebowski

Blade Runner

The Book Thief

Captain Phillips

Casino

Cloud Atlas

The Dark Knight

The Dark Knight Rises

Dark Shadows

The Departed

Déjà Vu

Django Unchained

Dr. Strangelove

Fargo

The Fighter (like 4-5 times)

Game of Thrones (All 40 episodes) *I’m counting these because they are cinematic, and GRRM said they should be seen as being a 10-hour film per season/book.

Goodfellas

Gran Torino

The Great Dictator

Hanna

How to Train Your Dragon

Inglorious Basterds

Kick Ass 1

Kick Ass 2

The King’s Speech

Lawless

Leon: The Professional

The Lion King

LOTR: The Fellowship of the Ring

LOTR: The Two Towers

LOTR: Return of the King

Mafia!

Memento

The Mist

Mr. Bean’s Holiday

Munich

O Brother, Where Art Thou?

El Orfanato

Pan’s Labyrinth

Pineapple Express

Pulp Fiction

Raging Bull

Requiem for a Dream

Rescue Dawn

Reservoir Dogs

Schindler’s List

The Silence of the Lambs

Taxi Driver

Ted

Texas Killing Fields

This Is the End

The Usual Suspects

V for Vendetta

The World’s End

World War Z

A few of those were with June and Jakob, which is why they seem out of place. I also probably forgot one or two films.

To My Dad

Dad,

I don’t know what I am doing. I am writing this letter to you, even though I can’t even see through my tears, and even though you won’t ever get a chance to read it. It is hard. I am still in a state of shock. Lindsey called me and told me what happened. I didn’t really fully understand what she was saying. I didn’t believe the words. How could it be true? It doesn’t make sense.

I know we didn’t always have the best relationship. I know I blamed you for a lot of things. I know I wish things had been different at times. But you know what? None of that matters. I forgave you long ago. Sure, some things still affect me, but I don’t have any negative feelings toward you. I only love you. That is all that is left in my heart: love.

The last time I spoke to you was April 15^th. I know this, not only because my phone shows that as my last call to you, but because I remember bugging you about my taxes. I know tax season is always crazy for you, so I didn’t want to add more stress to your life. You left a message that you had just finished my taxes - the evening of April 15^th - and that I owed $15 to the state of Utah. I called back and we chatted mostly about stupid tax stuff. I am sorry if I acted annoyed that you didn’t finish my taxes until the night they were due. I was concerned about getting fined over such a small amount. I wish I had known that would be my last conversation with you. I would have talked about something more interesting. We talked briefly about how we should do another camping or backpacking trip. Now that will never happen. You ended the conversation by saying you loved me and were proud of me. I am glad you said that to me the last time we talked.

The last time I saw you in-person was March 9^th. It was a Sunday afternoon, and we had pizza at Will and Lindsey’s house. I had come out to visit everybody, and I had gone snowboarding the day before. It was a very low-key event, and I almost fell asleep. I wish I had known it would be the last time I would see you. Ben got to go out for his birthday on March 28^th, and I am glad he got to see you, even if it was just for an afternoon. I am also glad I got to spend this last Christmas with you.

My mind is racing right now, and all I can think about is things that will never happen now. I think of poor little June Bug, and Autumn, and Jakob. You were so sweet to them, and they absolutely adored you. Now they won’t get to see their grandpa anymore. That breaks my heart. You will never get to see me get married, or Ben get married, or my children, or Ben’s children, or other grandchildren that haven’t been born yet. We won’t ever get to go on another backpacking trip, or another hunting trip, or fishing, or any of that. If I ever go to scout camp again, it will never be the same. Those were some of the best times I have ever had.

I am trying to not dwell on things that make me sad, so here are some things that I learned from you or experienced with you that I will always remember and cherish:

1. You taught me about the importance of service. You were always the first to volunteer for something (and volunteer us boys). I didn’t always appreciate chopping wood or helping families move on Saturdays as a kid, but now I am very grateful for those experiences. Service is one of the most important things to me, and that is ingrained in my heart because of you.

2. You taught me the importance of hard work. I owe everything that I am to a lifetime of hard work, and I learned it from you.

3. You taught me how to be a man. I think it is safe to say that I am a pretty manly man. I am pretty tough. I don’t have many fears. I know how to take care of myself. And I owe that to you.

4. You taught me to always treat my mother with respect. I remember specific occasions where you smacked me hard for talking back to mom. Sure, we all tease each other playfully, but you taught me to respect her and all she has done for me.

5. You taught me a ton of life skills, such as: how to drive, how to change a tire, how to tie knots, how to navigate in the wilderness if I am lost, how to find my way around a new city, how to cook, how to chop wood and build a fire, how to take care of livestock, how to grow a garden, how to do my taxes, how to deal with rude people, how to study, how to manage my finances, how to run a small business, etc., etc., etc.

6. You introduced me to great music. I specifically remember road trips where you would blast classic rock. By the time I was about 8, I knew the lyrics to almost any song by Led Zeppelin, Boston, The Doobie Brothers, The Eagles, Journey, Van Halen, Steve Miller, Bad Company, etc. That is what started my interest in playing music.

7. Even though you weren’t that into the arts, you always supported my interests. You put up with having a band in the garage from the time I was 13. You laughed at my stupid “films” we started making in middle school, and came to all the film festivals in high school and college. You had my paintings, drawings, and photographs decorating your house.

8. You were the best Scout Master any kid ever had. There are dozens and dozens of boys who would agree with me on that. You knew how to let us have fun and be stupid boys without letting us get into too much trouble. You taught us how to grow from boys into young men.

I could go on and on, but my I am having a hard time holding it together right now. I know I will see you again, and I know you will be with me in spirit during the important moments of my life. I know you will be watching over your grandchildren too. I am glad you passed without much pain and doing something you loved. I just wish it wasn’t so soon. I hope you know how much I love you.

Love,

James

The Train Ride To Reno

Ah, the train odyssey to Reno…where to start?  My brother recently took the Amtrak from Provo to Reno, and he said it was a fairly pain-free trip. He said he basically just slept the whole way, and I was expecting a similar experience.

I originally had a ticket leaving from Provo, but I had forgotten that the Jimmy Eat World concert was the same night and I already had tickets for the show. I changed my ticket to leave from Salt Lake, which was $20 cheaper. Bonus! I thought I was off to a great start. I left my backpack in a locker at the Greyhound station next to the Amtrak station and walked to the concert. On the walk of 4.5 blocks, I got asked for money eight times. Yep, almost two beggars per block. I usually give beggars money, but damn, I am not a Rockefeller. I briefly considered gathering them all into a circle, throwing some cash on the ground, and yelling, “Survival of the fittest, bitches!”

The concert was good. I have seen Jimmy Eat World eight times now. They promised me a setlist, but some chick snatched it at the end of the show as it was being handed to me. Oh well, I have other setlists from them.

After the show, I walked back to the bus station to get my backpack. I called my mom so that I could feign urgency while passing back through the bum gauntlet. Surprisingly, it worked. I got my bag from the Greyhound locker and got the hell out of there. A word to the wise – don’t hang around Greyhound stations. I saw a drug deal go down last time I was there, and both parties involved kept looking at me the whole time.

When I arrived at the Amtrak station, it was about 45 minutes until my scheduled departure time. I sat down outside on a planter because it was hellishly hot in the station. There were about a dozen other people sitting around. When 11:30PM rolled around and the train was not there, I went inside to see what was up. They said the train was a little over an hour late. Apparently there was train traffic or something.

Suddenly, a Tongan family walked up and sat down. I only mention their race because they were stereotypically large, and later pretended to not understand English when they cut in front of everybody in line. There were what appeared to be two grandmas, one grandpa, two 40-something sisters, a daughter, and a son. The girl, who appeared to be about 11-12 years old, started complaining about being hot. She then took off her shirt. At first I thought maybe I was mistaken, and it was really a boy who just had long hair and bossoms, and was wearing a purple shirt. However, to the extreme discomfort of everybody around, it was indeed a girl. She started walking around, uncomfortably close to other people. It was at this point that I said to myself in utter astonishment, but loud enough to be audible, “What the fudge?!?!” Only I didn’t say fudge. Then the 8-9 year-old boy grabbed a stick and started running around yelling. He started hitting a metal electrical box with the stick, which was extremely loud. The mom started yelling, “Stop it! Stop it!” but didn’t bother to get up or do anything else in the way of parenting.

They finally announced that the train was about 20 minutes out (this was around 1AM), and somebody would come around to give everybody a ticket to tell them which passenger car to get on. I prayed that I would not be on the same car as this family.

Sometimes prayers are not answered. They got car 511 - the same as me. As the train started approaching, they walked past the line of people and stood at the front. When several people started expressing their disapproval, they all started putting their hands up and saying, “No English,” even though everybody had heard them speaking English just minutes earlier. Actually, the grandparents may not have been able to understand, but everybody else clearly did.

As we boarded the train, there were already some people on board, asleep. I took a seat and put my bag next to me in the hopes that nobody would sit by me. The two sisters were the last to get on. Even though they cut to the front of the line, they walked so slow that everybody passed them anyway. Maybe that is why they cut. There was only one set of seats left. One of the sisters yelled out to the other sister, “Just wake someone up and tell them to move!” Several sleeping people woke up at the yelling. Then one of the sisters saw the chair next to me and asked if she could sit there. I said, “There is one open row right there with two seats.” She said, “But we will be squished.” I replied, “Too damn bad. That is not my problem.” She acted offended, but then squished in by her sister. Keep in mind that the sisters were probably 300+ pounds each (not an exaggeration), and it was a ten-hour trip. I was out of sympathy at that point, so I was not about to give up my comfort for some rude behemoths.

I tried my best to sleep, but then the sisters started watching videos on a phone and they didn’t use headphones. They started laughing very loud and making comments to each other using their regular voices; i.e. not voices you would expect people to use at 3AM on a train full of sleeping passengers. Then they broke into a pack of knock-off Oreos and couldn’t seem to figure out how to work the packaging. Again, super loud. I put in my headphones and fell asleep.

I woke up at 6AM to the sound of the riff from “Bad To the Bone” on piano – obviously a phone alarm tone. After about ten times of the riff repeating, I got up to see that both sisters were not in their seats, and the phone was just sitting there. The alarm tone kept going, and I contemplated going over and turning it off. Just as I was about to go over, the girl in the seat in front of the sisters, who was also woken up by the alarm tone, got up and grabbed the phone. It must have been locked, because she set it back down looking very angry. I surmised they had gone downstairs to the restrooms, so I timed them to see how long it would take before they came back to turn off the infernal alarm. I also started penning this memoir, as it is clearly a story that the world needs to hear.

Fifteen excruciating minutes later, they finally returned and shut off the alarm. Everybody was staring daggers at them, but they seemed not to care. They both fell asleep. Then the farting started. I will spare you the details other than noting that they woke themselves up with their own farts. I don't know if it was the noise or because they were so heinous, and frankly, I would rather not delve into that speculation.

I buried my face in the shirt I was using for a pillow, put in my headphones, cranked some Coheed & Cambria, and tried to fall asleep. The silver lining, if you can even consider it that, was that the train’s conductor told a really lame joke as we were arriving in Reno several hours late that made me laugh. It wasn’t really a laugh because it was funny. It was just a laugh at the entirety of the situation. He said a lady approached him when she found out the train was so badly delayed, looking very pregnant. She said, “If we don’t get there soon, you are going to have to deliver this baby.” He responded, “Well, you shouldn’t have gotten on train if you were pregnant.” She replied, “When I got on the train, I wasn’t pregnant.” Yep. That was my trip.

Interesting Experience

I had an interesting experience the other day that I shared with a few people who suggested I write it down.  Let me start by saying that I don't want to take credit for anything - I was just in the right place at the right time.  I was feeling kind of down.  I was frustrated with some things in my life. Whenever I get like that too bad, I say a little prayer to be able to forget my own problems and be lead to someone who needs help.

On Thursday I prayed to be able to help somebody out.  When I went to work, I parked in a different area from where I normally park.  I don't know why I did it other than I felt like I should.  I worked all day and nothing happened.  As I was packing up to leave, I got the feeling that I should wait ten minutes, so I just sat around for a little bit before finally walking across campus to my car.  When I got there, I saw a car parked in the spot directly to the right of my truck with the hood up.  I then saw a man wandering the parking lot obviously looking for help.  I asked him what was wrong, and he told me he had left his headlights on and his battery died.  He was from Ghana and didn't know anybody in town.  I jumped his car and he left.

I was packing up my jumper cables and about to leave when a girl got in the car directly to the left of my truck.  I sat and waited for a minute as I watched her try to start her car, but it wouldn't turn over.  I got out and had her pop the hood.  Her battery cables were slightly loose and had a bit of corrosion built up on the terminals.  I cleaned them off and tightened the battery cables.  We tried to jump the car several times, and finally after about 15 minutes of charging it, the engine turned over.  She was from Salt Lake, and didn't know anybody in town who could have helped her.

There are some people who could write off this experience as coincidence, but I don't see it that way.  Why did I feel like parking in a completely different area in the morning?  Why did I feel like staying an extra ten minutes after work doing nothing?  What are the odds that the two cars on each side of my truck both needed to be jumped, and that they both returned to their cars right as I was returning to mine?  These types of experiences happen quite often when I am feeling down and I pray to be able to forget myself and help somebody.

Withdrawals

I haven't posted anything in a few months, even though I wrote several posts that I didn't publish. They were more of just things for me that I wanted to write down, but not share with anyone. Anyway, I have been thinking about a lot of things lately and I finally have some time to sit and process my thoughts.  I have had some pretty extreme experiences lately that have helped me learn and grow.

Several people have mentioned to me that they wished they had qualities that they apparently think I possess.  They say I have patience and a positive attitude during hard times.  The truth is, I try to be patient and stay positive, but I have my breakdowns like anybody else.  In fact, I sometimes think I react stronger to certain things than most people.  One thing that always gets to me is when people don't respect my time.  This last month has been a hard test in that regard because I have had a lot of experiences where I felt like people were wasting my time.  When I step back, though, and try to be more forgiving of people, I feel better about it.  I am sincerely trying to see people as Christ would see them, and remember that they are going through their own difficulties.  This is kind of starting to sound like a confession of my shortcomings, and it kind of is, but I just need to get some thoughts out of my mind and things off my chest.

I got really bogged down in October and most of November.  Work was hard, football season was rough, and a whole series of crappy things happened in one giant cluster.  I prayed hard for certain things, and I felt like my prayers went largely unanswered.  I talked with some of my friends about a few experiences in particular and they helped me through some hard times, but it was extremely difficult.

During this last year dealing with the whole cancer business and other challenges, I felt like I was receiving a lot of help and I felt an added measure of strength helping get through everything.  But recently, that feeling of strength has left me.  I feel alone.  Even though my body is in a healthier state than it has been this whole last year, I don't feel that strength anymore.  I realize that I was getting a spiritual boost that I don't have anymore, and it is hard to go through that kind of withdrawal.  The last two months have been harder for me than the last year dealing with cancer, and I know it is because the extra spiritual boost I had is dwindling.  And it's not like I am doing a lot of bad things that would cause me to feel this way.  It is just that, for whatever reason, this is my new challenge.  I have to try to get by on my own for a while after spending so much time getting huge amounts of help.  People have reminded me that men much better than myself have gone through periods where they felt alone and like God had forgotten them.  When I remember those stories I realize that God does not really leave us completely alone.  This is just a testing period and God is really just trying to mold me.  I hope I can come closer to being the man He wants me to be.