Bucket List

So, I was kind of forced into going to a counselor after all of this cancer business. I feel like I have been handling everything pretty well, but some people thought a few sessions of counseling would help. So I went. During my last session, my counselor talked about "ambiguous loss" where people grieve over things that are uncertain (such as a kidnapped person or a soldier M.I.A.). He said my situation could fit into that category because my future is pretty ambiguous right now. All I know is that I have a ton of polyps throughout my entire digestive tract, but I don't know if the drugs I am currently taking will stop their growth, or if things could get out of control quickly. I don't know, and the doctors don't really know a lot just yet.

Even though my type of cancer is pretty treatable and I don't expect to die anytime soon, my counselor suggested making a "bucket list" just to give me some things to think about and goals to work toward. I immediately thought of the episode of "Everybody Loves Raymond" where Ray makes a bucket list that consists of eating things he has never eaten before, and then the goal to "never throw up again." I have been thinking about things, and here is what I have come up with so far:

1. Get married and have a family. I know this sounds cliché, but that honestly is my biggest goal right now. Like I said, I am not expecting to die anytime soon, so there is no health-related reason for this to not happen. I still go on dates quite often, too, I just haven't found the right girl yet. So the main goal on my list is also the hardest to achieve.

2. Advance in my career(s). I do a lot of different things for work, and I haven't exactly narrowed anything down to a career, but I could see myself being successful in a lot of different areas. I have had success with making films/commercials/videos. I have done okay with photography. I have tried a few different teaching jobs. I write and record music. The problem is, I don't know which would be best for the long term. Maybe I could continue to dabble in all of them, but make everything more consistently profitable.

3. Make a feature-length film. I have started several feature-length films, but most came to an end after issues with the lack of budget, equipment, actors, crew, etc. It is something I am very passionate about, but it is hard to make a good final product when everyone else involved is not so passionate. It is also quite expensive, and unless I found a willing producer, I would have to cover all of the costs myself.

4. Go to New Zealand, Switzerland, Ireland, Italy, and Denmark. Ever since I was a young boy, I have wanted to go to New Zealand. It just seems like such a beautiful place. The other countries on my list are places where my family is from (beautiful places too).

5. Open a concert for one of my favorite bands. This may seem far-fetched, but my band has what it takes to do it if we would all work really hard. We haven't had the whole band together for a few years, though. We have been able to hang out with a number of great bands and just chat - the Gin Blossoms, the Bouncing Souls, Ignite, the Street Dogs, Jimmy Eat World, Coheed & Cambria - but we have never played with them. I gave demo CD's to those bands too, but they don't have any say when it comes to getting signed by a label or picking who opens for them. I have played shows with semi-famous bands like the Neon Trees, but they aren't an influence on me like the other bands I mentioned.

Ok, so those were all goals that would take a ton of work and time, so I thought of some that would be easy to check off this spring/summer:

- get Endowed in my church (my last bishop said I had to wait until I was getting married, but now I am allowed to do it after the next series of Temple Prep classes)
- record a new album (I have several new songs that need to be recorded)
- go skydiving
- hike Mt. Timpanogos all the way (I've done most of it several times)
- backpack/hike in Zion National Park
- fish the Feather River with my grandpa and brothers (we do this almost every year, but we missed the last few because of my grandpa's health)
- visit Yosemite (I have lived only a couple hours away for most of my life, but I have never been)
- wrestle a bear (only slightly joking)

That's what I've come up with for now. I guess we'll see if I accomplish any of those goals soon.