I really don't want this to come off the wrong way, but I have been starting to get a little bothered by something that happens about a dozen times per week. I see someone that I haven't seen in a week or two, and the first thing they say is, "How's your health?" I know these people are trying to show their concern and support, and I really do appreciate it, but I am starting to feel like I am being defined by health. I don't want people to look at me as someone who is sick, and I certainly don't want people to look at me and feel sorry. I don't want those things to define who I am.
I have been trying a tactic when people ask about my health where I answer quickly and then try to change the subject to something more interesting. There was a time when my health was up in the air and I didn't know how to answer when people asked. But now things are a bit more stable and I probably won't know if there is any change for 8-9 months. So just so everyone knows, here is what's up - I am no longer doing chemo, the other medicine I have been taking seems to be working so I will stay on it for another year, and I will be doing checkups every so often. That's about it.
These situations where people ask about me have caused me to reflect a lot on what I want people to think of me and what I want to define me as a person. It is pretty simple. I want people to see me as the type of person who is kind and can be counted on when needed. I know I am rough around the edges, but I hope people see that I mean well.
Not to go super religious on everyone, but one thing I have been thinking a lot about lately is how Christ spent His time during his mortal ministry. As I told someone recently, Christ spent most of His time serving others, so how do you think He wants us to live? He didn't necessarily worry about going to the synagogues on a scheduled basis or reading the Torah every day. Almost everything He did was in service to the people around Him. That's how I want to live my life, at least to a greater extent. I was talking to somebody recently who was stressing about a lot of what I consider to be minor things. My advice was to go serve somebody. Service is the best way for us to forget about our own troubles and realize there is something greater out there. I have been on the receiving end of a ton of service lately, so I feel an even greater need for me to "pay" it back.
I am grateful for my health problems because I feel like they have given me a unique perspective on life. When you go through something pretty major where things are uncertain, it is pretty easy to figure out what is truly important in life. The truth is, most of the stuff people worry about every day is actually pretty unimportant in the grand scheme of things. My goal is to not worry about anything too much and just focus on trying to be a little better.
